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I have just returned from a run. I’m amazed to admit this fact. It seems it was likely ten years since I last did so. However I found out recently that my tests indicate elevated cholesterol, and doctors suggested to perform intense workouts regularly.

For the first time ever in my existence that my motivation to work out has been my bodily well-being. When I was younger, I ran because I wanted to be thinner. At times I ran to manage nervousness – I was merely escaping from the worry, without confronting it. At other times, I exercised because I aimed to improve with jogging. It signified what it meant to me back then to create an improved existence.

Running for a different reason now sparked reflection about the methods I’ve related with my body during my years and the way it’s evolving as I progress from being a young person to being a middle-aged person. I believe not I’ve honored my body, not deep down. I’ve valued it just for its roles and the aims it served me: trying to attract others; avoiding feelings; running a faster 5km. Previously, I hadn’t realized that my body represents me, it is my existence, instead of an instrument for achievements.

A lot has been discussed through history about the division involving physical and mental aspects – which you will be relieved to know, I won’t summarize here. What resonated most compelling is Freud’s understanding that consciousness and physique are innately connected from birth, because bodily growth necessitates emotional evolution and the reverse is true. The infant’s bodily experiences – like the bodily feeling of hunger – propel consciousness to build the skill to identify hunger as a sensation that is alleviated by a feed; and the mental reassurance and contentment repeatedly brought by repeated nourishment feeds the child’s mind just as the food fuels them bodily. Similarly psychological experiences – like the desire to get up and grab an object, and the determination to persist through effort – are why and how physical strength increases. Since infancy, our body and mind are interlinked in reciprocal evolution as connected as DNA strands.

Yet I’ve observed, during therapy with my analyst, that mental and physical aspects may exist in an alternate dynamic – a more separated and increasingly manipulative. My psyche can use my body to store and express aspects that my mind views undesirable or intolerable. During therapy we realized that exist particular emotional states that I am afraid I cannot bear; rather than feeling these psychologically, I unconsciously shift them into my body, where they remain as physical symptoms.

I often had digestive discomfort – unrelated to food intake, but acted as a form of corporeal reaction of the sharper sentiments I failed to handle mentally. This was not an intentional act, but when it was brought into my consciousness through therapy, and my dread and vulnerability and frustration and alarm became palpable and expressed verbally rather than transformed into corporeal symptoms, it resolved. It’s uncommon for me from stomach problems now.

The most severe episode I experienced this intense reflux, I failed to rest for multiple consecutive nights. It seemed I was losing my mind. I consulted my doctor, who organised all sorts of examinations and assessments, but everything was physically wrong. It turned out to be a different physician who told me that the cause could be psychological. My therapist agreed. I was surprised, but I also felt it was accurate.

If an individual is suffering a physical symptom, it can be upsetting at the suggestion that there might be an emotional origin. They might feel like disrespect, being told that their symptom is imagined. Naturally it’s a real phenomenon – individuals may experience their suffering dismissed or wrongly assessed. Yet occasionally it’s possible that the corporeal issues exist – certainly – and the cause is psychological, the inner mind employing the physique to manifest some pain or anger or whatever emotion awareness fails to handle. Sometimes, we may believe our feelings is only valid when it is expressed as bodily symptoms. We persistently neglect our minds as individuals, as a society and as a culture; for what reason do we accept the shocking elimination of psychological therapies on the NHS?

Life lessons have taught me that a superior lifestyle cannot be built while caught unawares in modes of connection, inside us and with others, that are rooted in disregard, exploitation and dealings. These dynamics are often easier to spot “externally” in broader culture. It may be more challenging to think about where they come from, and to recognise these shapes within ourselves and among loved ones, in the economy of our mental lives.

But persistence pays off. After donning my jogging shoes again post a long hiatus, venturing out not for physical improvement, or to eliminate an emotion, or to beat a 5km time, {it