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We've been friends for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome several hardships, which I admire. But, she has been constantly caught off guard by others. Her partner left her, which came as an unexpected event. Many of her friends vanished at that point, as they were focused solely on him. She was stunned by her deeply. She made greater energy to be my friend, probably grasped better the meaning of companionship.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

In the time since, quite a few in her circle have disappeared without her being sure why. The company she worked for became hostile, even though she was highly competent, and she left without knowing the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

Lately, we've both left the workforce and are seeing time together, however, I feel my position in the relationship is as the audience. I start topics of conversation only for her to redirect the talk toward what interests her. In terms of politics, she holds unyielding views. My effort is to suggest double-checking information and alternate views.

She is arranging a holiday abroad I know well on several occasions and resided in for a while. I tried to offer advice, however, my input met with resistance. She purely only wanted validation of her choices. I've just returned from four weeks in that country she is eager to meet, yet I'm reluctant.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling to act as a friend who cuts and runs without explanation, but I don't think she will ever comprehend the impact of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. Currently, I am in pulling back. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

It's possible to end things abruptly, yet this is rarely the easy answer we hope for. But confrontation aiming for working things out takes courage and readiness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially requires explaining how things go in your conversations. It should be objective and clear and essentially what a recording device would replay. Step two is to express the way it leaves you feeling. There should be no argument here. Emotions are your feelings, of course. Finally is to question how the two of you will alter the pattern between you."

Remember she too has her own side, so you need to be prepared to hear that. An approach that works is to say your friend:

"Please share your thoughts while I will listen without interrupting for half an hour."

It's wildly effective for promoting understanding.

Key Takeaways

She might reject everything, for those who hold onto a deep-seated story: they have a version about themselves they're unable to abandon because their very survival is tied to it being the only thing they trust. This is difficult as there is no thoroughfare with these people, only cul-de-sacs. Yet she could start out defensively before reflecting your perspective. And even if you never reach a resolution, you'll have peace from having been honest with her.